I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
