remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
