Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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