I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
