Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize