I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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