I must be too annoying 4 u.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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