that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
