i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
