Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
