I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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