I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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