i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
