the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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