Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
