No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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