you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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