Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
