Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
