I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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