I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
