Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
