Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
