Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
