I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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