did you get engaged???
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
