I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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