you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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