If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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