i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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