Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
