I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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