Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
