I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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