Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
