Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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