You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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