He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
