I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
jump out the window naked night went bad
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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