we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
