I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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