I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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