i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you inspire me to be a worse person
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
