Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
foreskin is a definite game changer
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
