That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
honey bunches of taint.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
