I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
