I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I could fuck to npr.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
