I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
