Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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