I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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