id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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