I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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