Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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