I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
