I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
