the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
