Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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