is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
