new low.... made out with someone while peeing
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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