I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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