I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
