i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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