he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
