you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
