Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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