Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
