I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
