then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
