Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
