My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
