Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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