Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We need to rekindle our bromance
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
