Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
