his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He did a backflip because drugs
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