Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
